new colossal tale.

Have I ever told you the story about the eyelash caper in the grocery store?

No?

OK, here we go...

I was standing at the deli counter in Publix, minding my own beeswax and trying to decide which processed meat I was going to buy for my family's lunches, when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

I took a deep breath, swung around and yelled, "Whatdayawant?!"

Not really.

Turning around, a woman who was slightly older than myself (she could have been younger, but I'm a terrible judge of age) said to me, "Excuse me, but your eyelashes are so long! Do you use mascara?"

I replied, "No, lady. I'm blond with no visible eyebrows and black eyelashes are my natural color!"

No, I didn't really say that...but I thought it.

My reply: "Yes, I do use mascara."

She said, "Oh, your lashes beautiful and long. I would love to have my eyelashes look like yours. Would you mind telling me what brand you use?"

So I said, "Lady, you barely have any eyelashes at all and no mascara is going to make those skimpy lashes long. Accept that fact and move on!"

Ummmm...I didn't say that.

What I said, was: "Maybelline Colossal Mascara, in the yellow tube. Try it, it's my favorite mascara."

And she said, "Thank you."

By this time, my fake-processed sliced deli turkey was ready and I moved on to the produce section. Bagging my apples, I felt a finger tapping my shoulder. So I turned around and yelled, "Whatdayawant?!"

It was my lashless lady again, with 3 packages of Maybelline Colossal Mascara in her hand.

Oy vay........

"What color do you use and do you prefer the regular or waterproof?" she asked.

And I responded by hitting her upside her head with 3-pounds of apples.

The End.