wind chill vs. heat index.

Here we have the new and improved Wind Chill table.  I'm not quite sure what was wrong with the old graphing, but hey, I'm not one to argue with the egg-heads who create these charts.  I'm lucky if I can remember my multiplication tables. 

Wind chill refers to the temperature your body is telling you what the cold feels like, depending upon the actual outside  temperature and the speed of the wind. 

So if it's 20-degrees outside and the wind is whipping at 5 mph, the temperature might feel like minus 12-degrees to your body.

I'm not  a scientist, so please don't hold me to those exact numbers.

I'm here to tell you that if you live in Northern climates say, Buffalo (giving a shout-out to the land of my birth) and you go outside to shovel your driveway for the 3rd time in one day, once you return inside to the comfort of your warm cozy house, your nose will probably feel like it's going to fall off your face.

And if your nose is still intact, check to make sure both ears are still attached.  Just saying...

And then, there's this:

The hated and despised heat-index.

It works in the same manner as the wind-chill factor.  Only opposite.  But you probably knew that. 

The heat-index is evil.  Very evil.  It makes the outdoors feel like Hades.  And you sweat.  You sweat just thinking about sweating. 

Why did I go from one extreme to the other?

Buffalo to Florida.  North to South. Cold to Hot.  Freezing to Hades. 

Know this: it's easier to snuggle under a blanket and warm up than it is to come in and cool down.  Or to sit in front of a roaring fire, wearing your thermals and 5 other layers of clothing.

Here in Hades, I mean Florida, we push the thermostat button down as low as it will go and sit under the ceiling fan.  In as little clothing as humanly possible while maintaining some semblance of dignity... and maybe just causing loved-ones to heave.   Just saying....

But there's no place like Florida once the heat breaks, the temperatures cool down and the ocean breezes kick  up, bringing sweet and refreshing relief over the land. Those are the days you just don't want to go back inside.  And you can sit out on your patio all stinkin' day!

I'm so confused...