horror!

How d'ya like my cleaning machine? The poor doggie keeps her distance from the evil before her. My husband bought it for me (himself) when I was pregant, seventeen years ago. The salesman came by our house one evening to demonstrate this monster, I mean, vaccuum and he ended up moving in. Not really. But he was there a long, long time. So long, that I ended up going to bed. Because I was tired and pregnant. I wasn't interested in evil that would help me with my housework. And quite frankly, I didn't understand why McGyver (that's my husband) would be interested in this monstrosity. But the next morning, this apparition was living with me. Invading my home. It's huge. It's clunky. It cost a lot of money. You know why McGyver bought it? Because it has a motor like a Mac truck. Like a NASCAR. Like a John Deere riding mower. Because it can suck up a pile of screws like...never mind. And you know what? This evil is always going to be with me, because I just can't break it! It's horrible to pull around the house, it falls over, it bumps into things. Ya know what? It can imbibe, absorb, & inhale like nobody's business!